I have just read the Balliol College Handbook where all the detailed rules which we, students, have to abide, are carefully detailed. Each one of them is undoubtedly beneficial to all, both individuals and community as a whole - up to the point of being ridiculous.
I've picked some of the finest examples:
"It is an offence to throw anything from any part of the College into the street or into Trinity College. It is also an offence for Balliol members to congregate, sing or shout abuse in front of the gates of Trinity College, or to climb on the gates."
"3.3.2 Meetings, Parties, Music and Noise
3.3.2.1 Members of the College who wish to hold parties of more than 10 people anywhere in College or Jowett Walk Buildings must give the Dean the following information at least three days in advance:
where the party is to be held,
how many guests are invited,
whether music will be played or not (see rule 3.3.2.4 below).
3.3.2.2 Members of the College who hold parties are required to take reasonable steps to exclude uninvited or disorderly guests, and to prevent damage or unreasonably noisy behaviour. Guests must be individually invited.
3.3.2.3 Parties on staircases are discouraged and the number of people present must never exceed 100 or such lower limit as may be set.
3.3.2.4 Except with the special permission of the Dean, parties at which music will be played may be held in College and Jowett Walk Buildings only on Friday and Saturday evenings.
3.3.2.5 The music must cease by 11.45 pm on Fridays and Saturdays. The level of noise must be turned down from 15 minutes before this time.
[...]
3.3.2.10 [...] Between the end of 4th Week and the end of 8th Week of Trinity Term no parties may be held in the Holywell Manor Complex.
[...]
3.3.2.12 Music may be played in the College only between the hours of 1.00 pm and 5.00 pm and 7.30 pm to 10.30 pm, unless special permission is granted by the Dean."
"
leaving Oxford for NOT MORE THAN THREE consecutive nights must
inform the Dean (or, in the case of Holywell Manor and the Martin and
Dellal Buildings, the Praefectus) by completing a form obtainable from the
Lodge. This must indicate:
Date and time of leaving,
Address and telephone number(s) where the member can be contacted in an emergency,
Date and time of return.
In all cases where the above information is substantially altered, the College
must be informed by telephone [...]
3.3.4.3 Members of the College wishing to be absent from Oxford for MORE THAN THREE nights must obtain written permission from their tutor and show this to the Dean. The normal conditions for absence must still be fulfilled."
And make sure you text them every night to wish them sweet dreams...
"3.3.7.2 No games except croquet and those approved by the Gardens Committee may be played on the lawns. Balls, frisbees, etc. may not be thrown on the lawns.
[...]
3.3.7.7 It is an offence to climb trees on College premises. This is a College disciplinary offence."
Watch out! You can become a tree gangster!
"3.3.8.4 [...] You should check the detectors frequently by pressing the test button, which
will cause a beeping sound. If you discover that a detector is not functioning
correctly, this must be reported to the Lodge immediately. Failure to report
First thing in the morning: check if the little electronic heart of your smoke detector is still beeping!...
"3.3.9.3 Members of College may not climb or walk upon or otherwise make unauthorised use of any part of the roofs of College premises. This includes the Gardener’s shed and Trinity College wall. This is a College disciplinary offence.
3.3.9.4 Members of College may not tie or attach objects to windows or window latches, or place objects onto or around window ledges or areas outside windows, in any College room. This is a College disciplinary offence."
"4.4.16.6 Roller blades, roller skates and skateboards are banned."
"4.5.8 Posters in Windows
So much for the freedom of speech and belief...
And probably the best of all:
"Frying is not allowed in kitchenettes at Broad Street for Health and Safety reasons."
I wonder how much time we need to arrive to: "breathing extensively, such as loud inhaling and exhaling, is not allowed in the library due to Books and Manuscripts Regulations Act. If you wish to inhale and exhale at a rate exceeding 20 breaths per minute, please ask the Librarian to assist you outside"...
"To prevent risk of fire, it is forbidden to use ovens, microwaves, toasters or rice cookers after 11.00 pm in kitchenettes or bedrooms."
11pm is widely known as the "fire hour" when suddenly the fire demons of this world all attempt to arson whatever flammable there is, so following Oxford's faculty of Magic and Superstition the regulation above has been introduced for our own good...
"Toasters must not be used after 11.00 pm."
I am afraid you might get to know me as a criminal in the next few months for illegal preparation of toasts during the hours of darkness...
I mean, I can see reason behind some of those. But yet again, I feel treated like a retard in this country, just because someone wants to cover himself agains the responsibility for a fool.
And what do you think about it?
